Eating at my Insides (Jun-6-2004)

It starts as a tingling in my toes, the very tip of my toes. Slowly it moves up my foot, knowing at my bones and tearing at the flesh. It moves up my leg after ripping through my ankle. It spirals through trough my calf muscle bouncing off my shins. When it gets to my knees it shows no mercy, the pain becomes unbearable. My thighs are like a feast for it, the most painful. Its seems as though it is there forever, inching through my quads and hamstrings. After what seems like an eternity it finally reaches my hips. Then is stops. I loosen my grip on the bars I had been squeezing, wondering if it will continue. My body still shakes violently with the shock of what it just experienced. I just lie there, it’s like it just left me. Below my waist no longer exists, why didn’t it finish me off? Why did it leave my paralyzed from the waist down?, why couldn’t it just finish me now?! How could it be so selfish?! I am numb …. To everything.