I can taste the salt in the air
Smell the seaweed that has come on shore.
I can hear the delighted screams of children playing in the sand.
Feel the sun upon my skin.
See the waves crash in pattern.
Closing my eyes,
I can taste the salty goodness of the chips we shared,
Smell the plants we trimmed together.
I can hear your laugh and my screams as we played.
Feel the warmth of your love.
See the memories that we’ve shared.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Inside My Shell (Aug-20-2007)
Its as though I’m trapped inside a shell
Dying to get out.
Though no matter what I do
No one can hear me shout.
The shell it feels so heavy
And nothing can get through.
You are reaching out to me
But I cant reach back to you.
I feel so safe inside my shell
But its not healthy for me.
I want to come out and be close to you,
I wish that you could see.
The biggest fear that I now have
Is my shell getting the way,
Of what we may have later
After building on today.
Grab a hammer and please help me
Get out of this shell.
But move slow and please be gentle
And we’ll make it through some how.
Dying to get out.
Though no matter what I do
No one can hear me shout.
The shell it feels so heavy
And nothing can get through.
You are reaching out to me
But I cant reach back to you.
I feel so safe inside my shell
But its not healthy for me.
I want to come out and be close to you,
I wish that you could see.
The biggest fear that I now have
Is my shell getting the way,
Of what we may have later
After building on today.
Grab a hammer and please help me
Get out of this shell.
But move slow and please be gentle
And we’ll make it through some how.
Through the Floor Boards (Jul-01-2007)
I couldnt stand to let you go,
Upstairs I lay on the bedroom floor
Just to hear that you were still breathing.
Night after night I fell asleep
On a tear stained pillow at the thoughts
of you leaving.
Day after day I passed your room
to see you laying in bed,
Staring out the window as though
watching for the gates of Heaven
to open.
Watching, I knew you were in pain
and wanted you to be free,
but I knew you leaving would
cause the heart ache of so many
including me.
There were days I didnt know what what to say to you.
So I simply sat and held your
hand, hoping that was some how
enough to keep our connection.
Night after night I listened to
you breathe through my bedroom floor,
Afraid to fall asleep for fear
of that breath falling silent.
Sometimes its as if I still
hear you breathe as I jump
awake in the bed, only to realize
that breath was silenced two years ago.
Upstairs I lay on the bedroom floor
Just to hear that you were still breathing.
Night after night I fell asleep
On a tear stained pillow at the thoughts
of you leaving.
Day after day I passed your room
to see you laying in bed,
Staring out the window as though
watching for the gates of Heaven
to open.
Watching, I knew you were in pain
and wanted you to be free,
but I knew you leaving would
cause the heart ache of so many
including me.
There were days I didnt know what what to say to you.
So I simply sat and held your
hand, hoping that was some how
enough to keep our connection.
Night after night I listened to
you breathe through my bedroom floor,
Afraid to fall asleep for fear
of that breath falling silent.
Sometimes its as if I still
hear you breathe as I jump
awake in the bed, only to realize
that breath was silenced two years ago.
My Power (May-08-2007)
You have something of mine
And I’d like it back.
I need it to get my life
On track.
You took it without asking
Without me knowing.
For the time that you had it
I simply stopped growing.
More than I wanted
You controlled my emotion,
You were in charge of my life
Oh my God, what a notion.
I really need it back
So I can be happy.
In the mean time, you’re exhausting
And making me feel crappy.
Only I should be in charge
I should have power.
This is my life
My body, My tower.
And I’d like it back.
I need it to get my life
On track.
You took it without asking
Without me knowing.
For the time that you had it
I simply stopped growing.
More than I wanted
You controlled my emotion,
You were in charge of my life
Oh my God, what a notion.
I really need it back
So I can be happy.
In the mean time, you’re exhausting
And making me feel crappy.
Only I should be in charge
I should have power.
This is my life
My body, My tower.
No More (Mar-25-2007)
You broke my heart
And I took you back,
Less than one year later
We were on the same track.
I said no more
But you couldn’t resist,
Tried to fool me again
But I got pissed.
You called me while drunk
Again and again,
It’s because of guys like you
That many women hate men.
You sent text after text
But I’d never reply.
You wont fool me again,
No matter how hard you try.
You may be a Marine
But for that I wont fall,
You’re not even the same guy
That I fell for at all.
If you hope to get married
Before time does pass,
You better get your act together,
Pull that stick out your ass.
And I took you back,
Less than one year later
We were on the same track.
I said no more
But you couldn’t resist,
Tried to fool me again
But I got pissed.
You called me while drunk
Again and again,
It’s because of guys like you
That many women hate men.
You sent text after text
But I’d never reply.
You wont fool me again,
No matter how hard you try.
You may be a Marine
But for that I wont fall,
You’re not even the same guy
That I fell for at all.
If you hope to get married
Before time does pass,
You better get your act together,
Pull that stick out your ass.
I Will Cherish Forever (Mar-24-2007)
He sleeps in my bed every night.
Has done so for over a year.
Just lays by my pillow,
Rarely gets in my way.
He is soft, so soft
And whiter than white.
Easy to hold on tight to.
What I love most is his scent.
The scent I was afraid would
Fade with time.
The scent holds so many memories.
A Christmas tree with
The fire lit.
Hot chocolate
With chocolate dipped cookies.
A warm hug and
A spot on the couch.
He is my most dear possession.
So small and yet
So powerful.
I will never be too old
For this teddy bear.
Left for me by my granddad,
One last gift thatI will cherish Forever.
To hug this teddy bear
Is to hug granddad
On Christmas day by the fire.
There is nothing thatI cherish more.
Has done so for over a year.
Just lays by my pillow,
Rarely gets in my way.
He is soft, so soft
And whiter than white.
Easy to hold on tight to.
What I love most is his scent.
The scent I was afraid would
Fade with time.
The scent holds so many memories.
A Christmas tree with
The fire lit.
Hot chocolate
With chocolate dipped cookies.
A warm hug and
A spot on the couch.
He is my most dear possession.
So small and yet
So powerful.
I will never be too old
For this teddy bear.
Left for me by my granddad,
One last gift thatI will cherish Forever.
To hug this teddy bear
Is to hug granddad
On Christmas day by the fire.
There is nothing thatI cherish more.
What Do You See (Mar-24-2007)
Have you ever looked deep into your own eyes?
I mean really looked?
Have you ever stood so close to a mirror
That breath fogged your view?
Looked deep into the black pupils,
Hoping to see something.
It gets almost overwhelming
Staring into your own eyes.
Your heart starts racing
And you’re not even sure why.
What exactly are we looking at?
Our Brain?
Our mind?
Our soul?
Do you see sadness in your eyes?
Maybe you see happiness.
Look hard, deep, really close.
What do you see?
I mean really looked?
Have you ever stood so close to a mirror
That breath fogged your view?
Looked deep into the black pupils,
Hoping to see something.
It gets almost overwhelming
Staring into your own eyes.
Your heart starts racing
And you’re not even sure why.
What exactly are we looking at?
Our Brain?
Our mind?
Our soul?
Do you see sadness in your eyes?
Maybe you see happiness.
Look hard, deep, really close.
What do you see?
Rape No More (Mar 23-2007)
*Inspired by a video in sociology class*
Get away from me asshole,
Go to Hell!
I don’t want you near me,
Cant you tell?!
Just close your eyes
And keep on walkin,
I don’t care what you’ve to offer
Just please stop talkin!
Don’t force yourself on me
Like you’ve nothing to lose,
Just step away from me man
I’ll give you more than a bruise.
Just because I am small
You think that I’m weak,
But looks are deceiving
I have quite a mean streak.
I can see that you’re raping me
Inside your head,
Try for real
And you’ll end up dead!
I can care for myself
I’ll have you know,
I am by no means weak,
Nor am I slow.
I can see in your eyes
That you’ve done this before,
But try it on me
And you’ll rape no more.
You think that you scare me
When that’s not true,
It’s you who should be scared,
Not me …. You!
Get away from me asshole,
Go to Hell!
I don’t want you near me,
Cant you tell?!
Just close your eyes
And keep on walkin,
I don’t care what you’ve to offer
Just please stop talkin!
Don’t force yourself on me
Like you’ve nothing to lose,
Just step away from me man
I’ll give you more than a bruise.
Just because I am small
You think that I’m weak,
But looks are deceiving
I have quite a mean streak.
I can see that you’re raping me
Inside your head,
Try for real
And you’ll end up dead!
I can care for myself
I’ll have you know,
I am by no means weak,
Nor am I slow.
I can see in your eyes
That you’ve done this before,
But try it on me
And you’ll rape no more.
You think that you scare me
When that’s not true,
It’s you who should be scared,
Not me …. You!
Dear Sinead (Mar-27-2007)
I wasn’t ready for what I heard on the day you died,
I sat in my chair, my heart had stopped, and like a child I cried.
I couldn’t begin to understand what I had just heard,
What had changed inside you, what had just occurred?
I had known you since 5th class, you were one amazing friend,
Never had it crossed my mind how soon that all could end.
For countless nights I lay in bed trying to understand,
Had I known and offered you help, would you have taken my hand?
Its been three years, how time flies but you’ve never left my mind,
You were a fantastic person, a wonderful friend, so caring and so kind.
I pray for you all the time and wonder if you hear me,
I hope that you are happy now and from your struggles free.
I still miss you so much, but know that you are in a better place,
And today I smile when in photos I see your pretty face.
You will never be forgotten dear friend, in my heart you’ll stay,
I will think of you especially on that faithful day in May.
I sat in my chair, my heart had stopped, and like a child I cried.
I couldn’t begin to understand what I had just heard,
What had changed inside you, what had just occurred?
I had known you since 5th class, you were one amazing friend,
Never had it crossed my mind how soon that all could end.
For countless nights I lay in bed trying to understand,
Had I known and offered you help, would you have taken my hand?
Its been three years, how time flies but you’ve never left my mind,
You were a fantastic person, a wonderful friend, so caring and so kind.
I pray for you all the time and wonder if you hear me,
I hope that you are happy now and from your struggles free.
I still miss you so much, but know that you are in a better place,
And today I smile when in photos I see your pretty face.
You will never be forgotten dear friend, in my heart you’ll stay,
I will think of you especially on that faithful day in May.
Won't You Hire Me Please (Mar-14-2007)
The interview ends before I get to sit down.
‘No’ after ‘No’ before my resume hit’s the table.
Rejection after rejection but I keep trying.
Won’t you please hire me?
Business owners across the country
Take this risk everyday,
Won’t you?
People say to me all the time,
“I wish I didn’t have to work.”
“No you don’t.” I reply.“
Imagine at 20 years old still having to depend
On your parents for everything.
”That’d usually all I have to say
For them to change their minds.
I just want a paycheck, it doesn’t
Need to be big.
Under the table … its no big deal,
Or perhaps it is.
Independence is all that I am after.
Won’t you please hire me?
‘No’ after ‘No’ before my resume hit’s the table.
Rejection after rejection but I keep trying.
Won’t you please hire me?
Business owners across the country
Take this risk everyday,
Won’t you?
People say to me all the time,
“I wish I didn’t have to work.”
“No you don’t.” I reply.“
Imagine at 20 years old still having to depend
On your parents for everything.
”That’d usually all I have to say
For them to change their minds.
I just want a paycheck, it doesn’t
Need to be big.
Under the table … its no big deal,
Or perhaps it is.
Independence is all that I am after.
Won’t you please hire me?
The Ocean (March 2007)
The humans think they they’re in charge,
I know this is not true.
The seas and oceans have all the power
In their shades of green and blue.
The oceans decide where we live,
Not the other way around.
The ocean at once could swallow us whole
By coming up on ground.
Now we must not fear the ocean
For without it we couldn’t exist.
I guarantee if it were not there,
It would be sorely missed.
Admire the beauty and savor the scent
It’s wonder is one of a kind.
Listen as the waves crash down
And tranquility you will find.
I know this is not true.
The seas and oceans have all the power
In their shades of green and blue.
The oceans decide where we live,
Not the other way around.
The ocean at once could swallow us whole
By coming up on ground.
Now we must not fear the ocean
For without it we couldn’t exist.
I guarantee if it were not there,
It would be sorely missed.
Admire the beauty and savor the scent
It’s wonder is one of a kind.
Listen as the waves crash down
And tranquility you will find.
Pushing the Limits (March 2007)
One foot steps in front of the other at a rapid pace. My breathing is rather heavy and drops of sweat drop off the end of my nose. The ground beneath me and bushes near by flash past, I hardly notice them. The thump of my feet hitting the ground is not in sync with the beat of my heart that seems to go 100mph. As the endorphins’ rush through my veins the adrenalin pushes me to go faster, to push my limits further than before. My arms pumping fast to help me reach my goal. The muscles that stretch throughout my legs are burning as the lactic acid builds up inside them. None of this makes me want to stop or even slow down, I want to go more, faster still.The person I’m trying to beat, is me.
I am Me (March 2007)
I am me, that’s who I am
If you don’t like me that’s too bad.
Not only have I been socialized
But I’m a mix of mom and dad.
I’ve spend so much time working on
Loving who I am,
So do not even diss my style,
Don’t be tempted, get out of here, scram!
If you don’t like my sense of humor
Then that’s too bad for you.
I have real friends who love who I am
And laugh at my bad jokes too!
I do my best everyday
To set a good impression,
So even when I meet new people
I am myself in conversation.
It’s far to exhausting to be something
That I’m clearly not,
I can relax when I’m myself
Its comfortable in this spot.
One piece of advise for everyone
Who reads this little poem,
Be yourself no matter what
Not just when you’re at home.
If you don’t like me that’s too bad.
Not only have I been socialized
But I’m a mix of mom and dad.
I’ve spend so much time working on
Loving who I am,
So do not even diss my style,
Don’t be tempted, get out of here, scram!
If you don’t like my sense of humor
Then that’s too bad for you.
I have real friends who love who I am
And laugh at my bad jokes too!
I do my best everyday
To set a good impression,
So even when I meet new people
I am myself in conversation.
It’s far to exhausting to be something
That I’m clearly not,
I can relax when I’m myself
Its comfortable in this spot.
One piece of advise for everyone
Who reads this little poem,
Be yourself no matter what
Not just when you’re at home.
I'm Sorry (Oct-29-2005)
I’m sorry for the things I’ve said,
For making you see the colour red.
I’m sorry if I made you sad,
I didn’t mean to be so bad.
I’m sorry if I’ve made you cry,
I wish I hadn’t told that lie.
I’m sorry for disappointing you,
I wouldn’t have done that if I knew.
I’m sorry I didn’t know love more,
Sorry for storming out the door.
I’m sorry for showing you disrespect,
For thinking that you wouldn’t detect.
I’m really sorry with all my heart,
What do you say to a brand new start?
For making you see the colour red.
I’m sorry if I made you sad,
I didn’t mean to be so bad.
I’m sorry if I’ve made you cry,
I wish I hadn’t told that lie.
I’m sorry for disappointing you,
I wouldn’t have done that if I knew.
I’m sorry I didn’t know love more,
Sorry for storming out the door.
I’m sorry for showing you disrespect,
For thinking that you wouldn’t detect.
I’m really sorry with all my heart,
What do you say to a brand new start?
You Called Me (Oct-05-2005)
The phone rang, I answered it
And then I heard your voice,
You were feeling down, needed a friend,
To call me was your choice.
You had a fight with a pal
And didn’t know what to do,
So I listened to how you were feeling
And then I tried to help you.
Suicide was on your mind
And it scared me like hell,
I gave you what advise I could
And was relieved your thoughts then fell.
I’m glad that when you needed help
You reached out for the phone.
You know I’m always here for you
Whenever you feel alone.
And then I heard your voice,
You were feeling down, needed a friend,
To call me was your choice.
You had a fight with a pal
And didn’t know what to do,
So I listened to how you were feeling
And then I tried to help you.
Suicide was on your mind
And it scared me like hell,
I gave you what advise I could
And was relieved your thoughts then fell.
I’m glad that when you needed help
You reached out for the phone.
You know I’m always here for you
Whenever you feel alone.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Sonnet: My sleep it does steel (Nov-10-2004)
The terrors do start when darkness does fall,
My room comes alive, makes no sense at all.
I close my eyes, wonder how I will deal,
All that I see makes my skin want to peal.
My panic strikes as the bugs start to crawl,
People appear to come out of the wall.
I cant go to sleep, for the fear that I feel,
The whole night long, all I want to do it scream.
Stress I’ve been told is the cause of this fetter,
I want to sleep and would love just to dream.
Calming is a way to make it better.
Listening to music or reading a book.
The terrors must leave my room right away,
So happiness then in my dreams can play.
My room comes alive, makes no sense at all.
I close my eyes, wonder how I will deal,
All that I see makes my skin want to peal.
My panic strikes as the bugs start to crawl,
People appear to come out of the wall.
I cant go to sleep, for the fear that I feel,
The whole night long, all I want to do it scream.
Stress I’ve been told is the cause of this fetter,
I want to sleep and would love just to dream.
Calming is a way to make it better.
Listening to music or reading a book.
The terrors must leave my room right away,
So happiness then in my dreams can play.
Still Around? (2006)
Can you still hear everything that I say,
I still talk to you every single day.
Can you still see everything I do,
I still do things out of love for you.
Can you still smell the perfume I wear,
Though that’s only a small thing, I still care.
I still smell your pipe tobacco everywhere,
I still see your imprint in the corner chair.
I can still hear your quiet laugh,
It echoes around your cozy gaf.
I sense you every day,
I can feel you around me in every way.
I can see your smile when I close my eyes,
They say you’re gone, I wont believe those lies.
You are absolutely everywhere we go,
I don’t need proof, I just know.
You are now with my granny, your loving wife,
Meet me too at Heaven’s gates for our afterlife.
*gaf = home
I still talk to you every single day.
Can you still see everything I do,
I still do things out of love for you.
Can you still smell the perfume I wear,
Though that’s only a small thing, I still care.
I still smell your pipe tobacco everywhere,
I still see your imprint in the corner chair.
I can still hear your quiet laugh,
It echoes around your cozy gaf.
I sense you every day,
I can feel you around me in every way.
I can see your smile when I close my eyes,
They say you’re gone, I wont believe those lies.
You are absolutely everywhere we go,
I don’t need proof, I just know.
You are now with my granny, your loving wife,
Meet me too at Heaven’s gates for our afterlife.
*gaf = home
Eating at my Insides (Jun-6-2004)
It starts as a tingling in my toes, the very tip of my toes. Slowly it moves up my foot, knowing at my bones and tearing at the flesh. It moves up my leg after ripping through my ankle. It spirals through trough my calf muscle bouncing off my shins. When it gets to my knees it shows no mercy, the pain becomes unbearable. My thighs are like a feast for it, the most painful. Its seems as though it is there forever, inching through my quads and hamstrings. After what seems like an eternity it finally reaches my hips. Then is stops. I loosen my grip on the bars I had been squeezing, wondering if it will continue. My body still shakes violently with the shock of what it just experienced. I just lie there, it’s like it just left me. Below my waist no longer exists, why didn’t it finish me off? Why did it leave my paralyzed from the waist down?, why couldn’t it just finish me now?! How could it be so selfish?! I am numb …. To everything.
You Wrote Me a Poem (Oct-29-2006)
You wrote me a poem that was so sweet
with words I love to hear,
Within seconds you brought a smile to my face
And brought me close to tears.
As I read words and remembered that day
I wished I was right there,
Holding your hand that kept me warm
And made my heartstrings flare.
I’ve never felt the same for anyone
As I have felt for you,
Going back to the very first time we met
I knew then that my feelings were true.
The words that you wrote today
Have wrapped themselves around me tight,
I cant wait till you come my way,
You are my shining light.
The kiss I sent you all those days ago
Was a preview of what lies here,
I love you too, just thought you should know
That message to me is clear
with words I love to hear,
Within seconds you brought a smile to my face
And brought me close to tears.
As I read words and remembered that day
I wished I was right there,
Holding your hand that kept me warm
And made my heartstrings flare.
I’ve never felt the same for anyone
As I have felt for you,
Going back to the very first time we met
I knew then that my feelings were true.
The words that you wrote today
Have wrapped themselves around me tight,
I cant wait till you come my way,
You are my shining light.
The kiss I sent you all those days ago
Was a preview of what lies here,
I love you too, just thought you should know
That message to me is clear
The Monster Within (May-26-2005)
I have to keep it locked inside,
All this evil, I have to hide.
It’s pushing, scratching, trying to get out,
Closer, further, as each breath leaves my mouth.
It tries to exit with every tear,
Its pushing so hard and getting so near.
It haunts my dreams, and my every thought,
It’s the only battle I haven’t fought.
I hold my breath till I turn blue,
I’m screaming, crying, reaching for you.
It’s like an alien locked up in me,
It can’t hide anymore, it wants to be free.
I hold my breath to keep it in,
There is no way I’ll let it win.
I’ll keep it in until I die,
It grows bigger, stronger with every lie.
It’s clawing at me, I’m bleeding to death,
It’s getting out more with every breath.
I’m holding my breath, won’t let it win,
I will defeat the monster that lives within.
All this evil, I have to hide.
It’s pushing, scratching, trying to get out,
Closer, further, as each breath leaves my mouth.
It tries to exit with every tear,
Its pushing so hard and getting so near.
It haunts my dreams, and my every thought,
It’s the only battle I haven’t fought.
I hold my breath till I turn blue,
I’m screaming, crying, reaching for you.
It’s like an alien locked up in me,
It can’t hide anymore, it wants to be free.
I hold my breath to keep it in,
There is no way I’ll let it win.
I’ll keep it in until I die,
It grows bigger, stronger with every lie.
It’s clawing at me, I’m bleeding to death,
It’s getting out more with every breath.
I’m holding my breath, won’t let it win,
I will defeat the monster that lives within.
Living in Disguise (May-24-2005)
You sit there and look at me, but can you really see me?
I act in front of you all the time, can’t you see it in my eyes?
I guess I’m better than I thought at living in disguise.
You make a joke and then I laugh, sounds real, don’t ya think?
You don’t know me, but I’m like a puzzle, with a missing link.
My eyes, they sparkle when I smile, don’t you think they’re pretty?
Who knew I could act so well when I’m feeling down and shitty.
You think that you can read me like a book when you cannot,
It may look like I’m happy and all, when my insides are a knot.
When I’m screaming inside and feel like crap, and would much rather die,
You ask how I am, I answer fine, and you miss the blatant lie.
I act in front of you all the time, can’t you see it in my eyes?
I guess I’m better than I though, at living in disguise.
My friends they just can’t see that its eating me inside,
I used to love hanging out down town, now I’d much rather hide.
They ask me if I’d like to go shopping, and in German I say ‘nein’,
I make up some lame excuse, and then get, ‘ok, next time’.
Don’t they see the pattern, that I’m lying all the time?
It’s exactly like telling the difference between a penny and a dime!
I act in front of you all the time, can’t you see it in my eyes?
I guess I’m better than I thought at living in disguise.
My heart it aches and beats real fast, pounding in my chest,
It’s times like this when my acting skills are put to the test.
Sometimes it gets hard to hide what’s living in my soul,
But I just laugh and smile at you ‘cause I am in control.
So this is how I live my life and go from day-to-day,
My soul inside is melting, but my face is made of clay.
I bet this stuff about my life, are things you never knew,
So now I sit back and wonder, what’s really inside you.
I act in front of you all the time, Don’t you see it in my eyes?!
I guess I’m better than I thought at living in disguise
I act in front of you all the time, can’t you see it in my eyes?
I guess I’m better than I thought at living in disguise.
You make a joke and then I laugh, sounds real, don’t ya think?
You don’t know me, but I’m like a puzzle, with a missing link.
My eyes, they sparkle when I smile, don’t you think they’re pretty?
Who knew I could act so well when I’m feeling down and shitty.
You think that you can read me like a book when you cannot,
It may look like I’m happy and all, when my insides are a knot.
When I’m screaming inside and feel like crap, and would much rather die,
You ask how I am, I answer fine, and you miss the blatant lie.
I act in front of you all the time, can’t you see it in my eyes?
I guess I’m better than I though, at living in disguise.
My friends they just can’t see that its eating me inside,
I used to love hanging out down town, now I’d much rather hide.
They ask me if I’d like to go shopping, and in German I say ‘nein’,
I make up some lame excuse, and then get, ‘ok, next time’.
Don’t they see the pattern, that I’m lying all the time?
It’s exactly like telling the difference between a penny and a dime!
I act in front of you all the time, can’t you see it in my eyes?
I guess I’m better than I thought at living in disguise.
My heart it aches and beats real fast, pounding in my chest,
It’s times like this when my acting skills are put to the test.
Sometimes it gets hard to hide what’s living in my soul,
But I just laugh and smile at you ‘cause I am in control.
So this is how I live my life and go from day-to-day,
My soul inside is melting, but my face is made of clay.
I bet this stuff about my life, are things you never knew,
So now I sit back and wonder, what’s really inside you.
I act in front of you all the time, Don’t you see it in my eyes?!
I guess I’m better than I thought at living in disguise
Please Don't Ask Me Why (April 2005)
I want to be a Hula Dancer
On the white Hawaiian sand,
I want to be a rock star
In a hugely famous band.
I want to be an airhostess
Flying through the sky,
I just no longer want to be me
And please don’t ask me why.
I want to be an astronaut
Living with the stars,
Living on the moon somewhere
And eventually on Mars.
I want to be a beautiful bird
So that I then could fly,
Just get me out of this dang body
And please don’t ask me why.
I want to be Lance Armstrong
Racing on my bike,
I want to be a wild animal
And do just what I like.
I want to be an actress
Where on cue I laugh or cry,
Please let me be someone else
And please don’t ask me why.
I want to be up on a cloud
Where I can be alone,
I want to buy a house somewhere,
A place to call my own.
When I seem distant,
eyes are far
Quietly pass me by,
As I am not myself right now
And please don’t ask me why
On the white Hawaiian sand,
I want to be a rock star
In a hugely famous band.
I want to be an airhostess
Flying through the sky,
I just no longer want to be me
And please don’t ask me why.
I want to be an astronaut
Living with the stars,
Living on the moon somewhere
And eventually on Mars.
I want to be a beautiful bird
So that I then could fly,
Just get me out of this dang body
And please don’t ask me why.
I want to be Lance Armstrong
Racing on my bike,
I want to be a wild animal
And do just what I like.
I want to be an actress
Where on cue I laugh or cry,
Please let me be someone else
And please don’t ask me why.
I want to be up on a cloud
Where I can be alone,
I want to buy a house somewhere,
A place to call my own.
When I seem distant,
eyes are far
Quietly pass me by,
As I am not myself right now
And please don’t ask me why
Dear Granddad ... written for him in 2005
Dear GranddadGranddad you have been my hero every since I was small,
Granddad you are still my hero, that hasn’t changed at all.
You will always be my hero no matter where you are,
I just wish we were closer cause it’s hard being so far.
I wish that you were here right now so we could feed the ducks,
Maybe walk the beach one day or look in picture books.
How I long to smell and taste your sweet, warm current bread,
One thing that I really loved was by your food be fed.
I enjoyed every meal you made for us because they were delicious,
You covered for me when I was wrong and my parents were suspicious.
When ever I did something bad, you’d smile at me and say,
“I won’t tell if you don’t, so now, go on and play.”
All the things you’ve done for me, I will repay to you,
When you need a hand, give me a shout and tell me what to do.
Going to mass each week with you was my favourite thing,
Sundays now, I think of you when I go to church and sing.
Every Sunday after mass, you would buy me sweets,
You spoiled me with the love you gave and all the sugar treats.
I remember all the words of wisdom you passed down to me,
I put them right where they belong, in my wisdom tree (my soul).
How I long to hear your voice and see your warming smile,
I just wish I could see you, as I haven’t in a while.
You have been there everyday of my 18 years on earth,
You’ve been watching, caring, loving me ever since my birth.
I think of all our time together, happy times we shared,
Best of all, you comforted me when I was sad or scared.
I remember you would hold my hand as we walked the park,
We were inseparable, did everything together, from morning until dark.
Do you remember granddad, all the blackberries we’d eat?
Walking up the Navvy Hill on my little feet.
One thing we did every day, was watch the train go past,
We’d stand up on the Navvy Hill and hear that whistle blast.
It’s always so magical whenever you are around,
We could sit together for hours without making a sound.
I remember at all those weddings when we’d dance together,
How I think back now and wish that it could last forever.
Look outside and you will see the sky that is so blue,
The size of that sky measures just how much that I love you.
One last favour we all ask of you is
To please tell Granny how much we love her too.
Granddad you are still my hero, that hasn’t changed at all.
You will always be my hero no matter where you are,
I just wish we were closer cause it’s hard being so far.
I wish that you were here right now so we could feed the ducks,
Maybe walk the beach one day or look in picture books.
How I long to smell and taste your sweet, warm current bread,
One thing that I really loved was by your food be fed.
I enjoyed every meal you made for us because they were delicious,
You covered for me when I was wrong and my parents were suspicious.
When ever I did something bad, you’d smile at me and say,
“I won’t tell if you don’t, so now, go on and play.”
All the things you’ve done for me, I will repay to you,
When you need a hand, give me a shout and tell me what to do.
Going to mass each week with you was my favourite thing,
Sundays now, I think of you when I go to church and sing.
Every Sunday after mass, you would buy me sweets,
You spoiled me with the love you gave and all the sugar treats.
I remember all the words of wisdom you passed down to me,
I put them right where they belong, in my wisdom tree (my soul).
How I long to hear your voice and see your warming smile,
I just wish I could see you, as I haven’t in a while.
You have been there everyday of my 18 years on earth,
You’ve been watching, caring, loving me ever since my birth.
I think of all our time together, happy times we shared,
Best of all, you comforted me when I was sad or scared.
I remember you would hold my hand as we walked the park,
We were inseparable, did everything together, from morning until dark.
Do you remember granddad, all the blackberries we’d eat?
Walking up the Navvy Hill on my little feet.
One thing we did every day, was watch the train go past,
We’d stand up on the Navvy Hill and hear that whistle blast.
It’s always so magical whenever you are around,
We could sit together for hours without making a sound.
I remember at all those weddings when we’d dance together,
How I think back now and wish that it could last forever.
Look outside and you will see the sky that is so blue,
The size of that sky measures just how much that I love you.
One last favour we all ask of you is
To please tell Granny how much we love her too.
My Hero ... high school poetry comp 2004
My HeroThe definition of the word ‘Hero’ is ‘A man admired for
great or noble deeds’.
So heroes are people which we look up to. They can do
things that seem impossible. To us they seem brave,
strong and indestructible.
Heroes are everything we want to be and more,
heroes are who we want to be.
For little boys, we hear how superman and spiderman
are their heroes, and they are heroes, but my
hero is something different.
For little girls we hear how actresses and famous
singers are their heroes, and they are, just
a different kind, but again, not the kind
I’m talking about.
My hero is something,
someone different.
My hero isn’t someone who is recognized
Everyday in a uniform, like a police officer.
My hero doesn’t run the country
or even the State.
My hero isn’t on TV, never has been.
So how is this person a hero
I hear you say.
I’ll tell you.
My hero had a life changing experience that she now
has to deal with every moment of her life.
My hero hasn’t chosen to be a hero,
she just is.
My hero deals with stuff that no person should
have to deal with.
My hero is my younger sister,
She isn’t your everyday hero,
She is a different kind of hero.
She doesn’t save other people’s lives on a day-to-day basis,
She saves her own.
My 11-year old sister has juvenile diabetes,
She was diagnosed just one year ago.
She has had to deal with a lot of new things and
Had to completely adjust her whole way of living.
For that she is my hero,
she is my definition of a true hero,
she is
That different kind of hero.
great or noble deeds’.
So heroes are people which we look up to. They can do
things that seem impossible. To us they seem brave,
strong and indestructible.
Heroes are everything we want to be and more,
heroes are who we want to be.
For little boys, we hear how superman and spiderman
are their heroes, and they are heroes, but my
hero is something different.
For little girls we hear how actresses and famous
singers are their heroes, and they are, just
a different kind, but again, not the kind
I’m talking about.
My hero is something,
someone different.
My hero isn’t someone who is recognized
Everyday in a uniform, like a police officer.
My hero doesn’t run the country
or even the State.
My hero isn’t on TV, never has been.
So how is this person a hero
I hear you say.
I’ll tell you.
My hero had a life changing experience that she now
has to deal with every moment of her life.
My hero hasn’t chosen to be a hero,
she just is.
My hero deals with stuff that no person should
have to deal with.
My hero is my younger sister,
She isn’t your everyday hero,
She is a different kind of hero.
She doesn’t save other people’s lives on a day-to-day basis,
She saves her own.
My 11-year old sister has juvenile diabetes,
She was diagnosed just one year ago.
She has had to deal with a lot of new things and
Had to completely adjust her whole way of living.
For that she is my hero,
she is my definition of a true hero,
she is
That different kind of hero.
Random Autobiography, Eng111 2006
Random AutobiographyI am a book-aholic. I was a gymnast for eight years. I remember the morning of Princess Diana’s death. I’ve ridden across three countries on the back of a Harley Davidson. I analyze everything and everyone.
I’ve read to a child. I’ve sung to myself. I still have my baby bracelet that I got in the hospital hidden in a box. I am allergic to more foods than I can eat. I am a very sentimental person. I’ve laughed till I almost peed in my pants.
I’ve lost the most dear thing in the world to me. I’ve jumped in huge puddles, having then to walk home totally soaked. I’ve knocked on random doors and then ran for dear life. I’ve been to nine different countries, and have lived in four of them.
I’ve laid staring at the blue sky for hours. I’ve made the same mistake twice. I am 100% Irish. I’ve sat up till dawn sharing secrets with my best friend. I have been pooped on by seagulls who wanted my lunch. I have overcome many obstacles.
I lost two close friends within months of each other in tragic accidents. I’ve written over 100 poems since I was twelve. I have been in nine different schools throughout my life. I believe in karma.
I have never had chickenpox though I’ve been exposed to it. I’ve told myself over an over that I am a good person until I finally believed it. I’ve lived in eleven different houses. I go to bed earlier than my younger sister almost every night.
I’ve been picked on. I was a State Championship competitor in gymnastics. I’ve learned random phrases from random languages to communicate with people around me. I play jokes on telemarketers.
I love to meditate by the beach. I haven’t drank a soda in years. I’m shy at first but outgoing when you get to know me. I only cry during sad movies when I’m alone. I am a very stubborn person.
I listen to Irish music when I feel homesick. I have four distinctly different journals. I am a perfectionist. I once won gold in martial arts when competing against all the boys. I can be mean when those I love most have been put down.
I love hanging upside down on monkey bars. I get along very well with my parents. I love the beauty of nature. I love the feeling of sand between my toes.
I’ve read to a child. I’ve sung to myself. I still have my baby bracelet that I got in the hospital hidden in a box. I am allergic to more foods than I can eat. I am a very sentimental person. I’ve laughed till I almost peed in my pants.
I’ve lost the most dear thing in the world to me. I’ve jumped in huge puddles, having then to walk home totally soaked. I’ve knocked on random doors and then ran for dear life. I’ve been to nine different countries, and have lived in four of them.
I’ve laid staring at the blue sky for hours. I’ve made the same mistake twice. I am 100% Irish. I’ve sat up till dawn sharing secrets with my best friend. I have been pooped on by seagulls who wanted my lunch. I have overcome many obstacles.
I lost two close friends within months of each other in tragic accidents. I’ve written over 100 poems since I was twelve. I have been in nine different schools throughout my life. I believe in karma.
I have never had chickenpox though I’ve been exposed to it. I’ve told myself over an over that I am a good person until I finally believed it. I’ve lived in eleven different houses. I go to bed earlier than my younger sister almost every night.
I’ve been picked on. I was a State Championship competitor in gymnastics. I’ve learned random phrases from random languages to communicate with people around me. I play jokes on telemarketers.
I love to meditate by the beach. I haven’t drank a soda in years. I’m shy at first but outgoing when you get to know me. I only cry during sad movies when I’m alone. I am a very stubborn person.
I listen to Irish music when I feel homesick. I have four distinctly different journals. I am a perfectionist. I once won gold in martial arts when competing against all the boys. I can be mean when those I love most have been put down.
I love hanging upside down on monkey bars. I get along very well with my parents. I love the beauty of nature. I love the feeling of sand between my toes.
Maya Angelou: A night to remember
After seeing her in winter 2006
Dr. Maya Angelou: A Night to RememberSitting 11 rows from the front in the Arlington Theater I could hardly believe that the night had finally arrived when I would hear one of God’s Angels speak. I sat in my seat, row k seat 36, eagerly awaiting her arrival on stage as the theater filled to its capacity of people from all over. There were young, old, male, female, tall, short, black, white and everyone in between. It felt as if the whole world had gathered in this one place to hear this woman speak.The host of the event returned onto the stage after a Gospel choir sang so beautifully, setting the tone for what was about to come. He then finally said the words that we had all been waiting for, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Dr. Maya Angelou.” The audience immediately started to applaud and stood up as Dr. Angelou made her way into the stage. She entered the stage in a gorgeous white dress topped with elegant pearls around her neck, she truly looked like an angel. She made her way to center stage with the help of a cane to where a podium stood surrounded by beautiful flowers. After a moment of taking us all in she had to prompt the anxious audience to take their seats so she could begin. As soon as her voice sounded through the microphone, the audience fell still. The atmosphere was full of respect and admiration and she had barely spoken a word. Every single pair of eyes were on her, all gazing, as though they were witnessing a miracle.There is no way that I can possibly put into words all the amazing poems and stories she shared with us. Even if I were to write a 10 page paper, I simply wouldn’t know where to begin. One thing that she repeated many times through out was, “Just when we all thought that the sun would never shine again God put a rainbow in the clouds, giving all who saw it hope.” We have all had times of sorrow, pain, and grief but then we saw something or someone, our rainbow, and got through it. So without those rainbows we wouldn’t be where we are today. In between the rainbows there are lights that light up our path, so we can see where we are going. It may be song, a person, an experience that’s not quite as big as a rainbow, but it does give us some light to continue on our way.Dr. Angelou shared many of her life stories with us. Many of them she told with song and attitude that had us laughing out loud, then others she told with a certain kind of seriousness that had us all listening intently, with complete silence throughout the theater. With each story came a poem, and with each poem came a lesson. Everything that she said applied to some area of my life, which I am sure it did every single soul around me. I was awestruck at how true everything she said is. One quote she shared that really got me thinking was, “I am a human being, so anything human is not alien to me.” She said she first heard the quote when she was 11 or 12 and has kept it with her ever since, and I have to say that I will most likely do the same. It’s a way of saying that we that we are all equal and so I will accept everything that you are.Dr. Angelou shared so many inspirational words that I wish I could put them all down on paper to share with you. She spoke for almost two hours without a break and barely remember blinking once. She caught my attention from the minute she stepped foot on the stage and never once lost it. Listening to Dr. Angelou was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had and will stay with me forever. I will continue to hear her words of wisdom as I replay the evening over and over in my mind. Because of her I will look out of the lights that will show me the way and the rainbows that will give me hope. In turn I will reach out to others in hope that I can be a light or rainbow for them. Dr. Angelou said that you should smile at everyone you meet, because you don’t know them and you don’t know what’s going on in their lives. So a simple smile that you share with them could be the rainbow that they are looking out for. She is an amazing person who has touched so many lives including mine. She had a tough childhood and grew to be one of the worlds biggest inspirations. She is proof that you can get out there, be who you want to be and do what you want to do regardless of your background. There is no doubt that we can all learn from Dr. Maya Angelou
Dr. Maya Angelou: A Night to RememberSitting 11 rows from the front in the Arlington Theater I could hardly believe that the night had finally arrived when I would hear one of God’s Angels speak. I sat in my seat, row k seat 36, eagerly awaiting her arrival on stage as the theater filled to its capacity of people from all over. There were young, old, male, female, tall, short, black, white and everyone in between. It felt as if the whole world had gathered in this one place to hear this woman speak.The host of the event returned onto the stage after a Gospel choir sang so beautifully, setting the tone for what was about to come. He then finally said the words that we had all been waiting for, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Dr. Maya Angelou.” The audience immediately started to applaud and stood up as Dr. Angelou made her way into the stage. She entered the stage in a gorgeous white dress topped with elegant pearls around her neck, she truly looked like an angel. She made her way to center stage with the help of a cane to where a podium stood surrounded by beautiful flowers. After a moment of taking us all in she had to prompt the anxious audience to take their seats so she could begin. As soon as her voice sounded through the microphone, the audience fell still. The atmosphere was full of respect and admiration and she had barely spoken a word. Every single pair of eyes were on her, all gazing, as though they were witnessing a miracle.There is no way that I can possibly put into words all the amazing poems and stories she shared with us. Even if I were to write a 10 page paper, I simply wouldn’t know where to begin. One thing that she repeated many times through out was, “Just when we all thought that the sun would never shine again God put a rainbow in the clouds, giving all who saw it hope.” We have all had times of sorrow, pain, and grief but then we saw something or someone, our rainbow, and got through it. So without those rainbows we wouldn’t be where we are today. In between the rainbows there are lights that light up our path, so we can see where we are going. It may be song, a person, an experience that’s not quite as big as a rainbow, but it does give us some light to continue on our way.Dr. Angelou shared many of her life stories with us. Many of them she told with song and attitude that had us laughing out loud, then others she told with a certain kind of seriousness that had us all listening intently, with complete silence throughout the theater. With each story came a poem, and with each poem came a lesson. Everything that she said applied to some area of my life, which I am sure it did every single soul around me. I was awestruck at how true everything she said is. One quote she shared that really got me thinking was, “I am a human being, so anything human is not alien to me.” She said she first heard the quote when she was 11 or 12 and has kept it with her ever since, and I have to say that I will most likely do the same. It’s a way of saying that we that we are all equal and so I will accept everything that you are.Dr. Angelou shared so many inspirational words that I wish I could put them all down on paper to share with you. She spoke for almost two hours without a break and barely remember blinking once. She caught my attention from the minute she stepped foot on the stage and never once lost it. Listening to Dr. Angelou was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had and will stay with me forever. I will continue to hear her words of wisdom as I replay the evening over and over in my mind. Because of her I will look out of the lights that will show me the way and the rainbows that will give me hope. In turn I will reach out to others in hope that I can be a light or rainbow for them. Dr. Angelou said that you should smile at everyone you meet, because you don’t know them and you don’t know what’s going on in their lives. So a simple smile that you share with them could be the rainbow that they are looking out for. She is an amazing person who has touched so many lives including mine. She had a tough childhood and grew to be one of the worlds biggest inspirations. She is proof that you can get out there, be who you want to be and do what you want to do regardless of your background. There is no doubt that we can all learn from Dr. Maya Angelou
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